to anyone that's ever prayed for us....

I don't really know where to start here, so I'll just jump right in and get rolling. 

For our year and half in Colorado, Ricky and I have been praying together and separately for some pretty specific things: 

a church

some peeps (i.e. community)

clarity and purpose in us being in Denver specifically

a good buddy who loves legos and Jesus for Chubs

and ultimately, revival in this city. 

We've gone through seasons of being courageous and pumped; more often than that, we've gone through seasons of uncertainty, doubt and loneliness. We've lived and held onto Psalm 37:23-24:

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD,  And He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For the LORD upholds him with His hand."  

I know that we have so many precious and seriously wonderful people in our lives who have been praying for us and with us. To me, that's just amazing. We're just trying to do life and I love that we get to share just doing life with you. Thank you. Like for real, thank you. 

So we're praising the LORD, and still praying that He would shed some light on our purpose out here. Last June in the midst of a really weird situation, Jesus gave me a vision. Now don't get weird and trip out on me here- this is legit, just roll with me. I was praying through some pretty gnarly stuff that was going on and I had this radical vision of revival in Denver. I don't know how in-depth I should go on about this, but I saw all sorts of different people throughout the city with a gorgeous river rushing over their heads. When the people raised their hands and started to worship the LORD, they had life and light all over their faces. And the LORD's message was clear: revival is ready to rush through this city. As we've prayed for clarity, the three biggies that we've heard are unity, prayer and worship. 

The picture in II Chronicles 20 is one that the LORD's given us multiple times as we've prayed for Denver. You know the story, it's where King Jehosaphat is faced with an impossible enemy- the Moabites, Edomites and Ammonites. So Jehosaphat starts seeking the LORD and calls the cities of Judah together to fast and cry out to the LORD together. (If you haven't read this story lately, you've got to. It's so good!) Jehosaphat prays this super awesome prayer, and the LORD responds with this super awesome answer:

"You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the LORD, who is with you O Judah and Jerusalem! Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them for the LORD is with you." (II Chron. 20:17)

Aw, yeah! You know what's coming, right? I love this part so much. Jehosaphat bows his head and starts worshipping the LORD. And then the Levites stand up and start praising the LORD "with voices loud and high." And all of Judah is super pumped, worshipping the LORD together. The army of Judah goes out to battle their impossible enemy with the worship team right up front singing and praising God. 

If you want to know how it ends, though, you've got to read it. 

HA! 

Okay, Judah wins. But really, read the story. 

All that to say, as we've prayed over this vision this is the picture that we keep getting. Even in dreams, The LORD is speaking to us.

So here's what we're doing about it:

Hosanna! save now.

We're starting a prayer and worship night, once a month- the name we've got for it is Hosanna. Our hope, prayer and goal is to get as many churches in on this without putting anyone's name on it. Denver is full of churches- we're not starting a church. But how radical and powerful would it be if we came together as Christians, with our sole purpose being to worship the LORD and to pray for our city together? We know that the LORD inhabits our praises, and that it's a beautiful and gnarly thing when we cry out to Him together. 

So.... if you want to keep praying for us, please pray for Hosanna! Call me a crazy optimist, but I think this is gonna be big. 

And if you've got graphic design-y skills and internet powers that you want to share, hit me up. :) 

pinterest. also, I'm crazy.

I'm going to be honest- I'm competitive. And I think pinterest might just kill me.

At first pinterest and I had a fun relationship- recipes and fun diy tutorials, good ideas for home organization and decorating. I love that stuff. I'm a mom, and so I guess it's only natural that many of the pins I'm drawn to originate from the awesome mommy blogs. You know these blogs- these are the moms who can cook the most fabulous gluten free kid friendly meal in their perfectly pin-worthy home as their homeschooled kids create some awesome craft that corresponds perfectly to whatever holiday is approaching. As she waits for her husband to come home she might look out into her perfectly (diy) landscaped backyard that has just the right amount of funky and beautiful mason jars along with the most amazing herb garden ever and she'll pray one of the thirty-one things you ought to pray for your husband everyday. Maybe she'll put on the apron that she made last week, so she doesn't ruin the awesome shirt she just crafted from one of her husbands dress shirts.

I am not that mom.

Thankfully, I've never even met that mom. But somehow when I read these blogs I'm comparing myself to her. And I get a little bit worried about this impossible internet wonder woman that I'm now in competition with in my head.

I sound crazy, right? I do. I totally sound nutty. Please don't stop being my friend. I need friends.

Since we've already determined that I'm a kook, I'll just keep going and dig my hole a little deeper. I was thinking about this pinterest issue the other night and I think what's happening is that it's breeding discontentment with the life I have now as I pin and pin and pin away at my dream life. The small and cute birthday party I was thinking of having for my girls now needs to be pin-worthy.  And when I say pin-worthy, I mean it would be featured in a magazine and professionally photographed (by me, of course.)  It's not enough to sit and color with my kids- we need to be making our own gak and play dough. Even my clothes are affected! I don't think I've ever worn something that would be found on pinterest- I'm 5'3 and I have four kids. I don't have time to know how to knot my scarf 50 different ways. I'm doing good if the scarf is clean. I used to be okay with that stuff, but now it makes me feel guilty and lame.

I've crossed the line. And just now it's dawning on me: I need a reality check. I'm competing against fantasy land.

I'm a Christian. In the New Testament of the Bible, the Pharisees are not the good guys. Jesus is the good guy. Unfortunately, I usually relate most with the Pharisees. The Pharisees didn't recognize their imperfections and lameness- they were too busy being awesome and perfect. But it's our lameness and our imperfections that scream out for our need to rescued by Someone who has no lameness and no imperfections. That would be Jesus. I can remember hearing the story of the prodigal son as a kid and totally thinking that the older brother is justified in being all bummed out that his stupid prodigal brother gets a party for coming home after wrecking his life. Hello, the older brother represents the Pharisees in that story. The point is, we're all prodigals- not one of us is perfect. Not in our hearts, our thoughts, our homes, our clothes, our parenting, our cooking, our blogging, or relationships. And when we think we're living up to an impossible standard we can only be disappointed.

I know this is just about pinterest and me being crazy. But to the mommies, to my friends, to me- let's spur each other on in getting our Matthew 6:33 on. "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." And when we fall on our faces and suck at life, we can know that we're not alone. And we know it's okay because of who our Savior is, and we know we aren't forgiven and sanctified by our pin-worthy awesome lives.

I'm so quick to get caught up in my pride one minute, and then wrecked by envying someone else's achievements in the next. But when we're content because of who Jesus is and who we are in Him, we're free. (Galatians 5:22-26)

I'm free. And I'm so done competing with the fantasy land mom who lives at anthropologie.

untitled.

well, I'm just gonna jump right in here. I have two three year olds on nap time strike and my son has decided to do some kind of crazy craft at the table involving a lot of construction paper and so much glue. seriously, so much glue. I'm really hoping he doesn't start casting glances at the glitter because I don't know if I'm up for a glitter mess today. it sort of makes me nervous. funny thing is, this is the best time I've got to sort stuff out and jot stuff down. 

so here it is: we've been out here in colorado for about a year and a half, and we've been to church after church after church after church. and we're trying so hard (so hard!) not to nit-pick every church we go to. we've been to several very nice churches, with very nice pastors and very nice kids ministries. we've been to the "cool" churches in the city, we've been to one absolutely crazy church with a pastor who is (for real) holding "excommunication meetings." (and yes, we were unofficially excommunicated from that one- the formal "excommunication meetings" hadn't started up yet). I wish I was joking about that last part, but I'm not. 

all of that to say, we have been seriously trying to find our spot here in denver colorado and it's rough. 

if you're reading this, you probably know ricky and I and maybe you're wondering "well, why don't you guys plant a church?" and a few months ago, we started wondering the same thing, which is pretty funny because we are not your typical church-planters. there's nothing type A or detail oriented about us, we don't have money or a church sending us out, we hardly even know anyone out here. all we have is a nutty love for the people of denver and a serious desire to see people walking in victory with Jesus. 

to make things even more interesting, as we've prayed together and talked about this stuff we've discovered that God has given us some very passionate convictions regarding church, prayer and discipleship. it breaks our hearts to see so many churches doing church without having any sort of prayer meeting going on- from where we're sitting, you can have a church with a rocking worship team, dynamite teacher and amazing children's ministry, but if no one's praying what's the point? 

for real, what's the point? 

about a year ago we started really laying that question down before the LORD. and then we read some books that might be a little dangerous if these convictions are already hanging around in your head- books like Church Planter by Darrin Patrick, Whatever Happened to Worship by A.W. Tozer, and Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire by Jim Cymbala. 

it's been a really neat season of soul-searching and hanging out with Jesus. He's saying stuff and we're pumped. 

so in january we're starting a weekly night of prayer, worship and Bible study in our house. maybe we're planting a church, maybe we're not- we don't know. but we know that Awesome Stuff happens when people get together and cry out to the LORD. Revival comes when people pray. 

Revival. 

the reason I'm typing furiously at this keyboard right now is just to ask for somebody out there to pray for us. we've been away from our church and our people for coming on two years and we so don't want to find ourselves kooked out. ricky works some pretty demanding hours, I'm homeschooling for the first year and we have three kids under four years old. but if the LORD is attracted to weakness, He's gotta be attracted to us! 

dude, we need mercy. like a heaping helping of MERCY. 

and wisdom. if you've got some, give it up! we want it. 

  

the Chubs.

This Sunday, November 11 our very first kid and only son is turning eight. 

It's totally a big deal. 

Eight years ago so many things about our lives changed. Maybe it's because we were younger and still figuring out a lot of stuff, but having that first kid was like a kick in the face. An expensive, sweet smelling, never sleeping and always wailing, gloriously precious kick in the face. 

We totally didn't know what we were doing. Like at all. That poor kid- I'm glad he doesn't remember his whole first year of life. Praise the LORD, Chubs is resilient and marvelously forgiving. I love that kid. Caleb Andrew Bender is one special and spectacular guy. He's also extremely cool. 

When he was three we lived in Oxnard, CA and went to church in Carpinteria. After church we would almost always go cruise around Santa Barbara, get some cheap food and just enjoy the beach and each other. One day we were downtown, eating some ice cream or something and Chubs leans against a wall, sighs and says "Dad, I'm just a kid trying to be a man." 

I'm totally not joking. I don't know where that came from, but it was awesome. And as he's grown up, that's him. He's eight going on 30. Unless he's being a turd. Then he's eight going on four. But for the most part, he's always been this kid just trying to be a man. 

He's magnetic. I don't know if you've met him, but he's so stinking charismatic it sometimes makes me crazy. Caleb's whole approach to life is that everyone is already his friend- they just might not know it yet. Sometimes it's great and sometimes it stinks but that's Caleb- he doesn't discriminate based on age, race, gender, you name it. I could learn a lesson from him. Seriously. 

When he was brand new and I would pray for him in that weird, foggy, exhausted new mom way (seriously, he would not sleep), I frequently prayed that God would nurture the gift of evangelism in him. I'm not trying to get kooked out on you right now, but I earnestly believe that the LORD in His mercy gives mamas who pray for their kids insight. And as he's grown up, I get to see how faithful Jesus has been in making Caleb who he is. 

We moved into our new house just over a month ago, and while Ricky and I have met a few of our neighbors, Caleb knows them all. The other day he had this conversation with a little boy on our cul-de-sac named Calvin. Calvin's four and loves Caleb. 

Caleb: "Hey Calvin, have you ever heard of Jesus?"

Calvin: "Nope."

Caleb: "Oh, He was God's Son and He came to the world and healed a bunch of people and stuff."

Calvin: "Wow! That's a cool story!" 

Caleb: "But then the people killed Him and He died on a cross."

Calvin: "Oh no! Then what?"

Caleb: "Well, it's awesome, because then He came back to life so that we can go to heaven with him. "

Calvin: "Oh wow! That's a really cool story!" 

He gets it. Our son gets the gospel. Enough that he wants to share it. 

I'm not trying to brag. For real, we have screwed up with this guy more than we've done right. He's like the crash test dummy of our kids. But by God's grace we have one of the kindest and coolest dudes I've ever known. I'm so glad that he's our very first kick in the face. 

Love you, buddy. 

my chick'n minis.

You know, this whole Chick-fil-a thing is bumming me out. And I'm really trying to sort through it in my mind. So why not blog a wee blog? 

We went to Chick-fil-a yesterday simply because I appreciate a man who's not afraid to believe what the Bible says is true, even when it's unpopular. I appreciate that we live in a country where we can boycott and vote and petition and hope. I love living in the land of the free and the home of the brave. I'm not a redneck, a simpleton, a bigot or a hater. I'm a Christian and I like chicken. 

If only it were that simple. 

I feel pretty lame even trying to throw my two cents in on this thing. I'm not political. I'm not a great Bible scholar. I don't listen to FOX news or read the Huffington post. I appreciate good journalism. I'm a mom who likes to sew, cook, decorate and play jokes on my husband. I'm a student who has opinions and likes to think about stuff. I like gay people. I like being married. I don't go to Carl's Jr. because I think their ads got super trashy a few years ago. I wear Toms because I really like the idea of helping kids have shoes. I watch Modern Family and I think it's hilarious. I read James Dobson books on parenting and I really like them. I like to root for the underdog. I think bullying anyone is terrible. I believe emphatically that the Bible is true. 

I didn't buy four boxes of chick'n minis in an attempt to shake my fist at the gay community. I think that's stupid. I bought them because I think it's ridiculous for the mayors of certain cities to raise such an outcry and attempt to shut down a business because of the religious beliefs of the founder. To me that's un-American and religious persecution. I wasn't standing up against anyone. I was standing up for me.

In the Bible, people frequently tried to get Jesus to weigh in on politics and they were frustrated that He wouldn't. That's the stuff of our agendas. God's agenda isn't about politics. It's about eternity. It's not about our kingdom. It's about His. 

And so I can't help but remember the story in John where Jesus meets a woman about to be put to death for adultery. The Pharisees had Jesus and this woman in the midst of a crowd and they quoted Old Testament law to Him saying "Moses commanded that she be stoned" for her act of adultery.  They were testing Jesus, baiting Him to say the wrong thing- either God's law is wrong or Jesus needs to agree with her death sentence. 

Jesus' answer is perfect. He said "He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first." So Jesus, right? And in the story each one who heard what Jesus said was convicted by their conscience and they left, until it was only Jesus and this woman standing together. Jesus followed up all of this awesomeness by telling her that He doesn't condemn her either and to go and sin no more.  

That's love. That's the stuff that changes lives. 

My darling husband reminded me tonight that as Christians we've got the wrong idea if we think we need to get caught up in a political battle. Because the way that we "fight" ought to be to get down on our knees and seek God's face on behalf of people that He created in His image. People that He loves so much that He gave His life for them. Sin is sin. There's not a better or worse kind of sin. And we're all a part of that crew- I'm a sinner in the same way that my gay neighbor is a sinner. There is so much more going on in our world than a fight over gay marriage. People are hurting, starving, suffering and dying. Kids are being sold into sexual slavery, beaten, raped and killed- the kind of stuff that should make us sick. 

We recently stopped going to a church because we felt like so many of the messages were about ripping into people who believe differently than we do. I get it- I believe that Jesus is the one and only Way, Truth and Life. But on a Sunday morning I don't want to learn about how satanic yoga is or how lame and sinful the church up the street is- I want to lift my hands and my heart in the worship of my Creator with my brothers and sisters. I'd rather focus on the beauty of what's right rather than lash out at anyone I think is wrong. I want my character and my life to be tempered by the same grace and mercy that I've found in Jesus. 

A great band got it right when they sang "politics schmolitcs... it's too confusing." 

inventory.

This month we hit the year-mark in our Colorado adventure. And let me tell you, June 2012 is about a billion times nicer than June 2011. Last June I woke up most days sure that we had made a huge mistake in moving out here. Our family car (the only one we all fit in at at the same time) was at aamco for weeks getting the transmission ripped apart, while Ricky worked one of the crummiest schedules he's ever worked (and he's worked some lame schedules). The dryer that came with us out here wouldn't work- it's gas and we needed an electric one, so while I didn't have a car I did have laundry for six people to hang on a line outside. My sweet baby girl started cutting teeth and stopped sleeping through the night; my six-year old threw fits at almost every park we went to, screaming "I miss Parker! I just want my best friend back!" until I felt like screaming the same thing back at him. We had no church, we had no friends, we had no money, we had no cute little condo steps away from the water in Oxnard, CA.  

I guess I just didn't think that packing up the fam and moving a thousand miles away was that big of a deal.

If you're considering making a big move with your family right now, don't worry. It gets better. But I'll be totally honest with you when I say that I've never wanted to swear or beat my kids more than I did in the month that we moved out here. (And if you know me, you know I'm not a swearer or a kid-beater.)

Praise the Lord, a lot has changed in such a very short time. And I think it's especially cool because it's all stuff that the Bender family has learned together. This isn't really my style, but my mind's a jumble of thoughts and stuff, so here are a couple of the biggies that we've learned:  

It is hard to be the new family. Particularly at church. I know that doesn't sound positive, but it totally is. I can think of two hands worth of people who really tried to get to know us in Oxnard and who we just kind of blew off because we already had a nice crew of friends. I'd call them up and say I'm sorry, but I can't because I never got their phone numbers and don't remember their names. We weren't purposeful in being mean, but we also weren't purposeful in being very nice. There have been a few people out here who've been wonderfully purposeful and sincere in their kindness towards us, and that's tremendous.

For my friends who have a safe and fun little crew of playdate, birthday party, zoo and dinner friends, let me encourage you to be tremendous to someone this week. When you see the new family trying not to be awkward at church or on your street, be purposeful and do more than just smile and say hi. For us, we've made a huge effort to have people over for dinner. Every Friday or Saturday night we're trying to get to know someone new.

It's awesome.  

 No matter what happens or where you are, let your spouse be your best friend. Remember sucky times together and remember the Lord's faithfulness together. Rejoice in little triumphs together and praise the Lord together. Be real with each other, pray for each other and remember that you're in this together. Whatever it is- a job situation, a crazy family, a tough move, just life and all the wild stuff it holds- be aware that the enemy of your soul wants to pit you against your spouse. Stand firm with each other.

This past year has brought Ricky and I into a whole new wave of friendship. I would pick up and move 1000 miles all over again just for the blessing of deeper friendship with my husband.

It's awesome.

Maybe there's something that you've been thinking and praying about doing, but you haven't because "you're waiting on the Lord." Ricky and I waited and thought and prayed for two years before we moved because we just weren't getting any kind of direction. There was no burning bush in our living room, with a booming voice that said "GO TO THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS." We didn't open our Bibles and read "MOVE YE TO THE MOUNTAINS." (Ricky's a King James kind of guy.) We just committed the weird itch for Denver that we had to the Lord and sent out some resumes. We figured that if we at least tried to let the Lord lead us while we stepped out, He would. And He did. At first nothing looked the way we wanted it to, but after giving it a couple of months, Ricky had Sundays off for the first time in seven years. He's working for a company that he'd dreamed of working with. It was scary and lonely and so fruitful.

God is your Father and He loves you. He knows you'll mess up, and it's not a sin to try something new.

I don't really know who I'm writing this to, but I know that I'm not alone in these things. I know that I have friends and family that are contemplating and going through big life changes. And I guess I just want to encourage you that it's worth it. If you're walking with Jesus, trust Him to be the mighty and loving Savior that He is. To you.

i will not tell you how to potty-train.

This past Saturday was a biggie. We decided to really start potty-training Jovie and Lotta. If potty-training twins sounds awesome to you, you're crazy. You're probably one of those nuts I've met at the store who stops me and says something like "You have twins?! Oh, I've always wanted twins! I hope someday I get to have twins!" Don't get me wrong- I wouldn't trade those sweethearts for a thing, but really? I'm gonna be honest, this is my blog and I'm not smiling and nodding at you in Target right now as I say this: twins are hard. And when you meet a mom who has twins, know that she is a hardcore mama.   

don't mess. you don't know what I might do.  

Anyhoo, I'm not one of those moms that tries to potty-train my kids when they're like six months old. And I don't really believe in potty-training in a day. Maybe I'm jaded and sassy today (I have been sitting next to the toilet with two little girls for the past four days), but I like to wait until my kids are ready with some muscle control and verbal skills. I don't want to be trying to rush everyone to the bathroom because someone made what might be a poopy face. Which is why I'm not telling you how to potty-train- I'd be better suited to do a how not to potty-train blog.

Now I've potty-trained one kid before: Caleb. The Big C. Chubs. And let me tell you. Ugh. It took months. I'm not being sarcastic. One day he straight up climbed on top of the coffee table, pulled his cars underwear down, squatted and pooped. Right there. Living room, center stage. Bam. I don't mean to embarass the boy, but Oh.My.Gosh. Again, how not to potty-train.

So I was not excited to try two at a time.

But I've gotten to spend so much quality time with my little girls while they sit on that toilet, and it's been really neat. You don't get a whole lot of one on one time with twins, but since we only have one toilet upstairs only one kid gets to try at a time. So I've gotten to see a new side of my girls. They love to cheer each other on and poke at the Yo Gabba Gabba pictures on their cute (so cute!) little butts. (Okay seriously, how cute is it when your kid starts wearing underwear?) And then Fin runs into the bathroom giggling "poo poo" and tries to shove a truck into the toilet that Lotta's on. And Lotta yells "No Fin!" and falls off the toilet. True story. That girl's a clutz. But she's so pretty.

I had to put my phone away, let the laundry and the dishes pile up, and just hang out with my girls. And watch them, like really watch them. If you've ever tried to get a kid to get their pee in toilet you understand what I mean. I'd forgotten what a great thing it is to just hang out with my kids without trying to multi-task.  

We're four days in, diaper free and loving it. I think Jovie was born potty-trained because she hasn't had one accident. And I'm so proud of those two. They're so different and they love each other so much and now they know all of their ABC's because we sing that dang song about a million times a day.

And it's gotta be so much more fun to wear a cute bikini without your diaper hanging out.