inventory.

This month we hit the year-mark in our Colorado adventure. And let me tell you, June 2012 is about a billion times nicer than June 2011. Last June I woke up most days sure that we had made a huge mistake in moving out here. Our family car (the only one we all fit in at at the same time) was at aamco for weeks getting the transmission ripped apart, while Ricky worked one of the crummiest schedules he's ever worked (and he's worked some lame schedules). The dryer that came with us out here wouldn't work- it's gas and we needed an electric one, so while I didn't have a car I did have laundry for six people to hang on a line outside. My sweet baby girl started cutting teeth and stopped sleeping through the night; my six-year old threw fits at almost every park we went to, screaming "I miss Parker! I just want my best friend back!" until I felt like screaming the same thing back at him. We had no church, we had no friends, we had no money, we had no cute little condo steps away from the water in Oxnard, CA.  

I guess I just didn't think that packing up the fam and moving a thousand miles away was that big of a deal.

If you're considering making a big move with your family right now, don't worry. It gets better. But I'll be totally honest with you when I say that I've never wanted to swear or beat my kids more than I did in the month that we moved out here. (And if you know me, you know I'm not a swearer or a kid-beater.)

Praise the Lord, a lot has changed in such a very short time. And I think it's especially cool because it's all stuff that the Bender family has learned together. This isn't really my style, but my mind's a jumble of thoughts and stuff, so here are a couple of the biggies that we've learned:  

It is hard to be the new family. Particularly at church. I know that doesn't sound positive, but it totally is. I can think of two hands worth of people who really tried to get to know us in Oxnard and who we just kind of blew off because we already had a nice crew of friends. I'd call them up and say I'm sorry, but I can't because I never got their phone numbers and don't remember their names. We weren't purposeful in being mean, but we also weren't purposeful in being very nice. There have been a few people out here who've been wonderfully purposeful and sincere in their kindness towards us, and that's tremendous.

For my friends who have a safe and fun little crew of playdate, birthday party, zoo and dinner friends, let me encourage you to be tremendous to someone this week. When you see the new family trying not to be awkward at church or on your street, be purposeful and do more than just smile and say hi. For us, we've made a huge effort to have people over for dinner. Every Friday or Saturday night we're trying to get to know someone new.

It's awesome.  

 No matter what happens or where you are, let your spouse be your best friend. Remember sucky times together and remember the Lord's faithfulness together. Rejoice in little triumphs together and praise the Lord together. Be real with each other, pray for each other and remember that you're in this together. Whatever it is- a job situation, a crazy family, a tough move, just life and all the wild stuff it holds- be aware that the enemy of your soul wants to pit you against your spouse. Stand firm with each other.

This past year has brought Ricky and I into a whole new wave of friendship. I would pick up and move 1000 miles all over again just for the blessing of deeper friendship with my husband.

It's awesome.

Maybe there's something that you've been thinking and praying about doing, but you haven't because "you're waiting on the Lord." Ricky and I waited and thought and prayed for two years before we moved because we just weren't getting any kind of direction. There was no burning bush in our living room, with a booming voice that said "GO TO THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS." We didn't open our Bibles and read "MOVE YE TO THE MOUNTAINS." (Ricky's a King James kind of guy.) We just committed the weird itch for Denver that we had to the Lord and sent out some resumes. We figured that if we at least tried to let the Lord lead us while we stepped out, He would. And He did. At first nothing looked the way we wanted it to, but after giving it a couple of months, Ricky had Sundays off for the first time in seven years. He's working for a company that he'd dreamed of working with. It was scary and lonely and so fruitful.

God is your Father and He loves you. He knows you'll mess up, and it's not a sin to try something new.

I don't really know who I'm writing this to, but I know that I'm not alone in these things. I know that I have friends and family that are contemplating and going through big life changes. And I guess I just want to encourage you that it's worth it. If you're walking with Jesus, trust Him to be the mighty and loving Savior that He is. To you.

i will not tell you how to potty-train.

This past Saturday was a biggie. We decided to really start potty-training Jovie and Lotta. If potty-training twins sounds awesome to you, you're crazy. You're probably one of those nuts I've met at the store who stops me and says something like "You have twins?! Oh, I've always wanted twins! I hope someday I get to have twins!" Don't get me wrong- I wouldn't trade those sweethearts for a thing, but really? I'm gonna be honest, this is my blog and I'm not smiling and nodding at you in Target right now as I say this: twins are hard. And when you meet a mom who has twins, know that she is a hardcore mama.   

don't mess. you don't know what I might do.  

Anyhoo, I'm not one of those moms that tries to potty-train my kids when they're like six months old. And I don't really believe in potty-training in a day. Maybe I'm jaded and sassy today (I have been sitting next to the toilet with two little girls for the past four days), but I like to wait until my kids are ready with some muscle control and verbal skills. I don't want to be trying to rush everyone to the bathroom because someone made what might be a poopy face. Which is why I'm not telling you how to potty-train- I'd be better suited to do a how not to potty-train blog.

Now I've potty-trained one kid before: Caleb. The Big C. Chubs. And let me tell you. Ugh. It took months. I'm not being sarcastic. One day he straight up climbed on top of the coffee table, pulled his cars underwear down, squatted and pooped. Right there. Living room, center stage. Bam. I don't mean to embarass the boy, but Oh.My.Gosh. Again, how not to potty-train.

So I was not excited to try two at a time.

But I've gotten to spend so much quality time with my little girls while they sit on that toilet, and it's been really neat. You don't get a whole lot of one on one time with twins, but since we only have one toilet upstairs only one kid gets to try at a time. So I've gotten to see a new side of my girls. They love to cheer each other on and poke at the Yo Gabba Gabba pictures on their cute (so cute!) little butts. (Okay seriously, how cute is it when your kid starts wearing underwear?) And then Fin runs into the bathroom giggling "poo poo" and tries to shove a truck into the toilet that Lotta's on. And Lotta yells "No Fin!" and falls off the toilet. True story. That girl's a clutz. But she's so pretty.

I had to put my phone away, let the laundry and the dishes pile up, and just hang out with my girls. And watch them, like really watch them. If you've ever tried to get a kid to get their pee in toilet you understand what I mean. I'd forgotten what a great thing it is to just hang out with my kids without trying to multi-task.  

We're four days in, diaper free and loving it. I think Jovie was born potty-trained because she hasn't had one accident. And I'm so proud of those two. They're so different and they love each other so much and now they know all of their ABC's because we sing that dang song about a million times a day.

And it's gotta be so much more fun to wear a cute bikini without your diaper hanging out.

Easters.

I was a little nervous about Easter this year. We still don't have a church that we're really a part of and this is a day that I just love. Like there's a parade in my heart and I don't wanna sit still kind of love.... I'm a Christian and that's our day, you know? For the past five years we've been blessed to be a part of an (I really hate this word, but it's all I'm coming up with) epic Easter celebration with Reality (our church in Carpinteria/Santa Barbara/Ventura). It's like a massive worship Jesus party with all of our friends, and music and food and bouncy houses and I seriously look forward to it all year. It's like a little glimpse of heaven to worship Jesus in such a way, right?

Okay, really quick: Reality friends, you are blessed with a rare kind of fellowship! And you should all give each other hugs, pray with each other and go to In-n-Out together because if you leave you'll miss those times!

Seriously, guys.

All of that to say, Reality is not here in Denver. (Yet. I'm still praying.) And with the exception of one church out here that's quite a drive for us, we're having a really hard time finding our place to worship. I could go on for a while about the lack of passionate preachers and the rock star worship leaders we're finding so much of, but that would be lame- Easter. I'm getting at Easter.

This Easter for us was Awesome.

Through a long series of events, we've ended up with a sweet little crew of prayer people who are kind enough to drive to our house on Sunday nights, eat food and pray with us. Can I tell you how merciful and kind Jesus is to remind us when we're lonely that we aren't alone? He's used our Sunday night times to bring such refreshing fellowship into our lives.... in ways that are new and really exciting to us. I kind of feel like when we moved out here Jesus shook us up and turned us upside down in ways that stirred up our gifts that haven't been stirred up for a while. And  I could also go on and on about this, too. But I won't. Naptime is only so long.

But it's really, really cool.

So for Easter we had a BBQ, a pinata and some really great fellowship with our Sunday night goonie Denver prayer crew. What a blessing, right? Finlee ate her weight in grilled asparagus and we all had an awesome time. It's so good to have people.

A friend of mine (thanks, Amanda) pinned this quote from C.S. Lewis on pinterest and I'm already planning on how we're going to put it up in our new house:

 "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind."

I love that. It so sums up this last year of ours.

Oh yeah, we bought a house. Easter's gonna be off the hook next year.

An Ode To Ricky Bender

My very best friend in the whole world is turning thirty tomorrow and though he's ridiculously humble and chill about it, I'm not..... Ricky Bender is the man and deserves an Ode To Ricky for the thirtieth anniversary of his birth. It's pretty wild that only ten short years ago I was complaining to our friend Brandon in his Cadillac about how in love with Ricky I was and how he'll never make a move, just say all sorts of kooked out stuff that only left me totally confused.

He doesn't have a facebook account, so there's probably a lot you don't know about this guy.... If you know him, you love him and here are some little known facts about Ricky Bender:

He gets up at 2:30 in the morning for a twelve-hour work every day, six days a week. And he loves it- doesn't complain a bit. When we all call him at breakfast every morning our conversations usually go like this:

Me: "Hey man, whattcha doing?"

Ricky: "Just truckin in the USA!"

And then our kids get wild and there's a lot of "DADDY!" and cereal spillage.

He does the dishes every single night, and then he almost always joins me in bright yellow running shorts for forty minutes of cardio craziness with Shaun T (we do these DVDs called Insanity). He works out with me because he knows if I have a buddy it's so much easier to keep at it.... He's usually exhausted and pretends he's on a skateboard half of the time, but it's really, really fun. 

He does stuff while he's at work that is seriously awesome. For example, there's an old dude who works at one of the tire shops Ricky ends up at pretty often and he has a bad heart condition that makes it really hard to do some of the heavy lifting his job requires. When Ricky rolls up he'll do that heavy lifting for him without saying a word... He's just that guy. And he does that heroic stuff all the time- he's even rescued a kitten in LA.  He knows all of the workers at the truck stops he delivers to and people (other truck drivers and truck stop workers) ask Ricky to pray for them all the time.... Like totally random over-the-road truck drivers will walk up to him while he's unloading and pour their hearts out to him. Things like their kidney troubles and their hernia surgeries (why wouldn't you tell the guy unloading gas that stuff?), stories about their wives leaving them and how much they're missing their kids. When we got married we really thought we would be missionaries and I'm so proud that my man is a missionary no matter where he is.  

He has Biblical insight that would blow your mind. And I think the person benefitting from it the most is our son. They have Bible time every night and I absolutely believe that Caleb could sit in on an Old Testament class or an Acts class and hang. Those two will kill you at Bible trivia. If you're a girl looking to get married, find a man who will do this with your kids and marry him. And if you're man looking to be a dad study up and teach your kids the Bible- it'll affect every single aspect of their lives.





I've been reading through the Bible chronologically this year and it's been sick. Isaiah made so much more sense to me this way! Anyhoo, in my chronological Bible Song of Solomon and Psalm 127 are right next to each other and as I read through both of them I was really struck by how both of them are love stories. Psalm 127 is the "Unless the Lord builds the house" one. Ricky Bender isn't the most romantically inclined guy- not in the roses and candles and dreamy phrases sort of ways. But he will Psalm 127 with me joyfully till the cows come home, and that's the kind of romantic that means business.

I love that man.





Disjointed Musings on Becoming the Elderly.

You know, I sat down to say a little something sentimental about our trip to the pumpkin patch a while ago, and then maybe add a cute little ditty about Elk Fest at Estes Park and wrap it up with some thoughts and funny musings about Wyoming's Frontier Days. But those musings just aren't there tonight.

I turned thirty last January. As far as birthdays go, it was kind of lame. I had a brand new baby, twin toddlers and Caleb to hang out with. Ricky worked a twelve hour day and then we went out to dinner. I'm not complaining (okay, maybe I'm complaining a little), but it really just wasn't the big deal that I guess it's supposed to be. Big Stuff's supposed to happen when you're thirty, right? I mean that's when Jesus started His ministry and everything.... I'd say that's Big Stuff. David became king at thirty, more Big Stuff. I'm no Jesus or King David, but I'm a girl that longs for the Big Stuff in my life.

Ricky and I have been talking a lot about the "American Dream" lately. I mean, what is that now anyway? Is it still having a couple of kids and living all safe and snug in the suburbs? Because without really trying, Ricky and I are surprisingly dangerously close to that "Dream" life. And that totally freaks me out. I'm not opposed to houses, suburbs or safety- but that life seems very at odds with the Big Stuff that our souls are just crying out for in Jesus. Big Stuff like denying ourselves to follow Jesus- forsaking everything else in the world in the pursuit of our King. I'm passionate when I highlight those passages in my Bible, but is that where it stops?

I don't want to stop at being a passionate highlighter. I want to be as close to my King and His throne of grace as I can be on this earth. I desperately want that to be our American Dream.

I think that turning thirty has made the danger of settling for less in life that much more real. I mean when we were twenty and just newly married babes, what did we have to lay down? We didn't have any cash, career, reputation, health benefits, retirement savings or security anyway, we just had a lot of excitement and passion. But now..... I mean we still don't have any cash, but the other stuff is there. It's much harder to lay junk down when you actually have it. Throw in four precious little kids, and it's impossibly easy to let them become your excuses to avoid the rough edges of society that Jesus came and died for. Jesus touched lepers, but I will stroll my sweet Baby Jogger City Mini as fast as it'll go when there are (gasp) homeless people on the corner.

Man, being honest with yourself sucks.

All of that to say, I don't know if Denver is our last stop. I don't know if Ricky's always going to be a truck driver. All I know is that we want the kind of heart-pumping, breath-taking, battle-crying life with Jesus that he wants for us. Like when you're sitting in the movie theater watching Narnia or Lord of The Rings and it's all you can do to just sit quietly in your seat, because in your heart you're swinging some gnarly axe or sword and just ripping the enemies guts out and shouting some awesome victory cry. Where is that happening? Because (in the words of Liz Lemon), "I want to go to there."





my greatest idea yet.

The girls and I go to Target and Walmart a lot. Like a lot, a lot. The two that are closest to us have those awesome three seater carts (Caleb calls them train carts) that actually make it possible for me to strap in all three of the little girls at the same time. I seriously love those carts- if I didn't know Jesus I would hook one up to the back of our Jeep and tow it home. It would make picking Caleb up from school lifetimes easier. It's not uncommon for us to circle the parking lot of Target or Walmart with Lotta and Jovie singing "train cart! train cart!" while I try to find one to park next to. How much cooler would it be to roll up with my own train cart? Man, I love those carts.

Stealing a train cart is not the greatest idea I have, though.

One out of every three or four times I go to Walmart someone asks me if I'm in a reality show. Seriously. It's weird. Maybe I look like Mama Duggar or Kim Kardashian, but really? I have four kids, not fourteen. Do I look that tired? That dramatic? But that question got me thinking about my own reality show:

Benders Across America

I figure we'll take my man's passions for trucking and our family, mash them together and we'll go over-the-road trucking as a family. So good, right? Instead of saving money to buy a house we'll buy a big rig with a super cab, build a ton of bunk beds into it and I'll homeschool the kids while we adventure across America- kind of an Ice Road Truckers meets Sesame Street meets the Duggar family. I'd watch it. It'd be a killer show.

I pitched it to Ricky and he said no because he doesn't want us to get divorced.

Lame.

But I'm still working on him. So don't steal my idea- I'll find you. But if you steal a train cart let me know.

Benders Across America!!

a really very super amazing and wonderful story.

We serve an awfully kind and loving God.

Recently a woman who worked for the DMV made a big mistake that could have really affected our family. It's a long, boring and complicated story and naptime is only so long, so I'll just stick to the juicy awesome details.

Last Friday it looked like Ricky wasn't going to be able to work for quite a while because his hazardous materials endorsement on his license was no longer valid (not due to any fault of his own- this is the DMV mistake of the last paragraph). He's a truck driver who hauls gas and diesel fuel, so it's a pretty big deal. I stay at home with our four kids, so if he's not hauling fuel.... it's basic economics, right?

He's still the new guy at work- he's only been with the company for about a month, and the thought ran through our minds that we could just not tell his boss and pray that it all clears up quickly. But that idea didn't sit right at all. Not only would he be risking a super expensive ticket, probably getting fired and possibly losing his license, but it's just not the King's Way. If you've read the book God's Smuggler by Brother Andrew, you know what I'm talking about. A long time ago when we both read that book, the concept of doing things the King's Way and absolutely trusting Him for the outcome was one that really impressed and influenced us. If you haven't read the book, you really should. It's awesome.

So we ran to Jesus. And then I texted almost everyone in my phone and asked them to run to Jesus too. And then Ricky called his boss hoping that he might have some solutions or government connections or something. He didn't- he was just as dumbfounded as us that this had happened.  So it looked like Ricky wasn't going to be able to work until the stupid red tape was taken care of.

A couple of hours later his boss called and told Ricky that since he can't drive on his license he'll be training a couple of the new Denver drivers. So now not only is Ricky able to keep working, he'll also be getting training pay. Whaaaaaat? Jesus really does bless obedience. He means business.

But wait! There's more! Trucker stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason- a lot of the guys Ricky meets and works with are like books of sad, sad, lonely stories. Which honestly is one of the main reasons that my husband became a truck driver- he shares the gospel almost every day with people who are really hurting. And now he's sitting in his gas truck training a guy who really does not want to have anything to do with religion or politics. Like that was how he introduced himself, "I'm Ron and I don't talk about religion or politics." And he means it- everytime Ricky mentions Jesus or the Bible, Ron tenses up. If you know my man, you can imagine that Ron spends much of the day tensed up.

The moral of my story is that Jesus took our DMV lemons and turned them into a blessing for our family and an opportunity for ministry. I love the LORD- He is just so kind.