on being awesome.

You know, sometimes I feel like I just fell into being a mommy.

Ricky and I got married after "hanging out" (our lame way of dating without dating) for several months and then being engaged just long enough to plan a wedding. We were still pretty new to each other and absolutely brimming with Awesome Plans. I was finally going to finish school after aimlessly farting around various colleges for four years; I had an actual goal and a degree to pursue. And then we would be missionaries to Indonesia. Or the Philippines. And we would be Awesome For Jesus. And we would Do Awesome For Jesus.

Four months into being married I was pregnant with Caleb. And I totally took that positive pregnancy test as the end of My Awesome Plans To Be Awesome For Jesus. I wasn't done yet, and I was bummed.

Eight years and four kids later, I've grown up and learned a little. But that attitude of being "just" a mommy while I really just want to do something so much cooler and more meaningful is still there. Especially when my day is consumed with people who still poop themselves all day. Throw in a six-year old who will track mud through the house no matter what, day after day after day, and life becomes me frantically jumping from naptime to naptime, trying to miraculously carve out a sliver of time for myself. I don't care whether or not I'm representing Jesus to anyone, all I want to do is get through the day without putting any of my kids on craigslist. (I'm mostly joking.) And I go to bed exhausted and sad that this is not the Awesome For Jesus life that I planned- really this just sucks. Have I lost all of your respect yet? Give me a second and I'm sure I will.

It's on these days that my sometimes annoyingly positive and insightful husband will say something like, "hey I read such and such in the Bible and I thought of you this morning." And in my heart I say, "how nice for you to get to cruise around in a quiet, air conditioned semi truck by yourself all day, meditating on the Word. Really. Great. Neat. I have spit up in my hair and I still need to clean poop out of someone's bed. My great victory today will be finding time to brush my teeth, but I'm just thrilled for you."

The other day Ricky brought up the story of Naaman, the Syrian guy in II Kings 5 who had leprosy and went to Elisha to get healed. Elisha gave him simple instructions- just dunk in the Jordan river seven times and the leprosy will be gone. And Naaman was furious that that was it. The instructions were too simple for a guy who thought he needed to do something great. It was Naaman's servants who asked him if Elisha had told him to do something harder, wouldn't he have done it? So why not just do this easy-peasy thing and be healed? Naaman does and he's better.

If you are a mommy, maybe you need to hear this as much as I do: God has not written you off. The job that you're doing is Awesome. You might not be in a hut. People probably don't tell you thank you very often. The sacrifices that you make day in and day out probably go unnoticed. And maybe the 'only' people you will ever lead to Jesus are the precious little people that you wake up with everyday. But God did not write you off when He called you and enabled you to be a mommy; and one day you're going to stand before Him and the "well done" that you receive won't have anything to do with the cleanliness of your house or your ability to get those abs back. I wish that my days reflected that attitude more often.

I really, really needed to hear that. How many kids do I have to have before I get it already? And then my amazing friend Tracy posted this on facebook and I was like "dang. that's good."

Mommies: Doing Awesome For Jesus. Totally my new club.

i mean come on, that's pretty awesome.

our rocky mountain move.

You know, it's weird- I haven't told anyone about this little blog, but writing about this move is still incredibly hard. Moving to Colorado was actually incredibly hard. Which is awkward for me.... I mean we were so excited. Are we having a bad first date with Denver? I really hope not because moving is expensive.

Really I just want to put up sweet little pictures of my sweet little babies in their sweet little clothes. But more than that, I want to be honest.

Remember when you were a kid and you would get all psyched for summer? Dreaming of cartoon marathons, lazy cereal-filled mornings and sleep over after sleep over? For me, my dad was a YMCA camp director, so throw in some ponies, ropes courses, swimming pools, campfires, star gazing and trips to Disneyland, too. But then summer comes and you've got chores and it's a hundred and booty degrees outside and all of your friends are on awesome vacations while you're at home flipping through reruns of the Brady Bunch, Gilligans Island and that weird Small Wonder Show while you eat your billionth peanut butter sandwhich of the week. And slowly you start to wilt and deflate a little.

That's kind of how we've been feeling. The great, exciting, wonderful stuff is still there- don't get me wrong, we love Colorado. But it's been tough going. Especially because we moved away from a place, a church and people that we absolutely love. Like seriously love- our friends became our family.

And Jesus has really been comforting my heart as we've been here. 

"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me,

You will stretch out Your hand against the wrath of my enemies,

And Your right hand will save me.

The LORD will perfect that which concerns me;

Your mercy, O LORD endures forever;

Do not forsake the works of Your hands." psalm 138:7-8

Satan is a sneaky jerk. And the spiritual attacks have been ugly. But standing on the promises of my Abba Daddy? Fabulously, Perfectly, Abundantly Sweet. He's faithful even when we're full of fear and doubt, amen?

cute little house.

cute little family.

No matter how awkward and uncomfortable the present home we're in is, we are always at home in Jesus. Like, for real. Like II Corinthians 4:17-18 for real.