number four.

My little girls are turning four tomorrow, and it's making me so darn introspective! 

I start thinking back to what it was like when we had these two pretty, perfect little babies and I can't not think about the friends that we had in our lives at the time. Like it's impossible. I had two babies and a four year old little boy. 

I needed help. 

And praise the LORD, I got it. 

I'm thinking about how I didn't have to cook for a month and a half- and I'm not exaggerating. Friends brought us food, strangers brought us food, Caleb's preschool teacher brought us food, all of the moms at preschool brought us food, more friends brought us food, people sent us gift cards; it was amazing. 

I'm thinking about the sweet friends who were so mindful of Caleb that they would take him to birthday parties that I couldn't get to with two newborns. Friends who would pick him up in the morning and let him just soak up in some glorious boy time at their house for the day. I'm thinking of friends that I could text on the way to church if Ricky was working, knowing that they'd help me with this crazy mess of kids that I was still learning to cope with. Friends who'd run out of their house when I pulled up to take a kid out of the car because I just didn't have enough hands. Friends who are incredibly thoughtful, generous, fun and kind. 

I love that I can't think of my two little best friend twins without thinking of so many of my own friends. 

To a recovering, struggling perfectionist who gets so caught up in her "I can do it all on my own, just sit back and watch me be awesome" attitude, needing and receiving all of this help was extremely humbling and an extremely practical way for me to see how lame it is to try to be super awesome all by yourself.  Friends. Family. Thank you for showing my family so much genuine and real love. 

Sometimes I wonder if the reason Jesus gave me so many kids is simply to help me get over myself. 

But that's another blog, another day. 

And now I have these funny, beautiful, thoughtful, often generous, (mostly) kind little girls. Jovie's not scared to sneak a handful of cake (yes, handful) and give it to Lotta before sneaking her own handful of cake. 

"Here you go, Lala."

"THANKS JOBIE!" 

"Sure, hon!" 

Friendship. It's a beautiful thing. 

Happy birthday, my Loretta Joy and Jovie Grace. You've brought more Joy and Grace into my life than I ever could imagined. I love you. And everyone who I'm sharing this birthday with: thank you. I love you, too. 

baby steps.

Do you ever go through seasons of life where you feel like you're telling yourself the same thing day in and day out? I'm thinking of Bill Murray in What About Bob, "baby steps, baby steps, baby steps, baby steps, baby steps."

For me these days it's, "eyes on Jesus, eyes on Jesus, eyes on Jesus." In awesome stuff, in weird stuff, in painful stuff, in exciting and fun stuff, in all the stuff, I want my eyes on Jesus.

Lately that's been hard. Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting myself. (Romans 7, much?) Or like my heart just isn't in it. So I need this reminder today- a reminder of who I'm setting my eyes on and why.

Eyes on Jesus- the very One who made Himself of no reputation, took the form of a slave and came to earth as a man. Jesus, the One who humbled Himself to the point of death, even death on the cross. Jesus, the Risen One, the exalted One- the One to whom every knee is gonna bow and every tongue is gonna confess that He is LORD. (philippians 2:5-11) Jesus.

I write this because I need to hear it.

Seeing Jesus, who is crowned with glory and honor; Jesus, who by the grace of God tasted death for everyone. For me and for you. Jesus, the captain of our salvation. (hebrews 2:9-10) Aaaaah, Jesus.

Eyes on Jesus. The Risen One. The Captain and The King.

In the midst of whining and bills and friends and church and backyard projects and family and birthday parties and dinner and more whining and unsuccessful nap times and laundry and work schedules: Eyes on Jesus, Keri. Eyes on Jesus.

"Looking to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (hebrews 12:2)

All the junk doesn't just go away. (At least it hasn't for me.) But the Holy Spirit is able to do the impossible and change our perspectives- instead of this stupid egocentric thing I've got going on, the Holy Spirit brings that Jesus-centric focus and it changes my Thursday. It changes my parenting. It changes my relationships- we're freed from operating from a point of competing and getting what's owed to us. It's the gospel over legality- it's Jesus' work over mine.

It's life-changing.

He removes our need to compete and strive because our identity isn't wrapped up in us anymore. Our identity is wrapped up in our Victorious, Righteous, Faithful, Loving, Beautiful Savior; and there's nothing on earth or in heaven that compares.

Eyes on Jesus. Thinking about Him. Talking with Him. Enjoying Him. Loving Him. Eyes on Jesus.

"Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart,
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all."

please don't take this the wrong way, but:

My Bible sass rant.

I'm feeling pretty sassy this morning. 

That's a disclaimer for what's about to come. 

(Also, the vibe in my house right now is LOUD. I have four kids with leg warmers on their arms singing "Born to be Wild" as part of a "surprise party" they're throwing for Caleb. His birthday is in November.)

On Mother's Day some family of ours ended up at a church where the pastor taught through 1 Corinthians 13- you know, the love chapter. And since it was Mother's Day, he taught that mom was patient and kind; mom does not envy, parade herself or boast. I really can't even keep going with this because I already feel like throwing up a little. 

All week I've been thinking about this. And maybe that's why, as I sit down at my computer, I'm sassy.  

I'm mad. 

We cringed and squirmed through a very similar teaching last Mother's Day at a different church that we (fortunately) didn't attend for long. 

So I maybe I just need to vent a little. Maybe you heard something similar last Sunday. 

THE BIBLE IS NOT ABOUT YOU. 

IT'S NOT ABOUT YOUR MAMA, EITHER. 

THE BIBLE IS ABOUT JESUS. 

Already, I feel so much better. 

Pastors, do you want to encourage a mom on Mother's Day? How about this: Pray for the mamas. Lay hands on the precious mommies your church is blessed to have and pray that the Holy Spirit would enable them to do the impossible and love their kids. Young mommies, old mommies- moms who are seeing all of their kids walk with Jesus and moms who have wayward kids; moms who work, moms who stay home; moms who are weary, sad, guilty, tired, stoked, passionate and lonely. 

You wanna have a serious impact on the next generation? Start praying for those moms.

But please, don't get up there and teach that moms are the standard of love. Because that's more pressure than anyone needs (that, and it's totally not true.) Bring the mommies to Jesus. Remind them of how deep the Father's love is for them. Bring them to His never-ending well of mercy and grace and help them to draw from that- from Him. 

To my mom friends, who are in the trenches with me, who struggle to find time to read the Bible, who have a hard time praying much more than "Jesus, help. Please help," the work you're doing matters. You are not doing "lesser things." 

 "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (Matt. 11:28)

Find your rest in Jesus today. He's the standard- you can't be the standard. That's the gospel. Our standard wasn't good enough, not loving enough. And so we need to invite Jesus in- to let His standard and His love work in and through us. Are you having a hard time? Run to Jesus. When my twins were babies and I was pregnant with Fin, my refuge and prayer closet was my car. I'd strap those kids in, we'd drive up the coast and I'd pour my tired and overwhelmed heart out to Jesus. 

It's okay to let those perfect mom walls down. 

Proverbs says this: "He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge." (Proverbs 14:26) 

Let's do that.

I feel like my soul just sighed with relief. 

Thanks for letting me vent. 

mother's day.

I have four kids. In those four kids, I have one who's just like me. Painfully so. If you've met me and you've met my kids for like a minute, you know- Jovie Grace and I were cut from the same passionate, explosive, bossy and sometimes tender cloth. I love her to pieces, she cracks me up, but that girl can be the turdiest turd. Just like her mama. Maybe you have one of those, too, and so you understand right now why I need to do this: 

Give me a minute to thank my mom. 

Mom, thank you for teaching me to use the toilet. 

Thank you for teaching me basic social skills. Like not strangling people, pushing them into walls or down the stairs when they touch my stuff. 

Thank you for not just whacking me with a hairbrush every time you brushed my hair and I screamed like a banshee. 

Thank you for not banning me from crayons, play-dough or food forever.  

Thank you for making me do chores. 

Thank you for not making horrible, awful fun of me (at least to my face) every time I liked a boy in Jr. High and High School. 

Thank you for not beating me when I painted Thomas with nail polish. 

Thank you for not beating me when I made Thomas eat bunny poop. 

Thank you for not beating me when I covered Keith in Vaseline. 

This could get really long and embarrassing, so I'm done. 

Being a mom is weird. 

And it's taught me more about the gospel and God's love for me than anything I could dream up myself. I'm not perfect. And my love isn't either. But even when my kids are wrecked, I love them. I'll take their sticky face kisses and their Dorrito cheese hugs. They can suck at every aspect of life and I love them. If you're a mom, you know. 

You think about them when you're away from them. You remember their sweet little smiles and tender hugs. You rejoice over their little victories like they just won the World Series- that poop that finally made it in the toilet is worth a standing ovation. You have hopes and dreams for them that would blow their little minds. You make sacrifices for them without even seeing them as sacrifices because you love them. You put them in time-out, spank or ground them because you don't want to raise little psycho-paths.  

If that doesn't remind you of God's great love for you even a little, I don't know what will. 

Mamas. 

Friends. 

Remember the gospel. Remember Jesus. Remember that His love for you doesn't change when you're "good" or when you're "bad." He loves you when you poop your pants. He rejoices with you when you finally get it in the toilet. 

I have twins who are three.

Happy Mother's Day. 

homesick kid stuff.

I'm a little homesick today. Maybe you are too. 

What's funny is that I'm not even totally sure what I'm homesick for. It could be about a billion things, people and places. Is it highway 18, on the way up to see friends in Crestline and Lake Arrowhead? Or maybe Riverside, along Victoria Ave and all the orange groves where I learned to drive and spent hours just cruising on my bike with my walkman and MxPx, Value Pac or Supertones CDs?  It could easily be any of the beaches in Carpinteria or Ventura, where I was so stoked to sit for hours with friends and watch our kids fight, play, eat sand, nearly drown, beg for snacks and show off their muscles. 

California is pretty easy to miss sometimes. 

My memory is good enough, though, that I can remember having these same feelings of homesickness in all of those glittering, fun, friend-filled and sunshiny tan times. And I think I'm finally starting to get it- none of those places are home for me. 

The more I walk with Jesus, the more I long for home. The home that He created me for- the home that He created you for. And I begin to understand just a little more why Paul tells us to comfort each other by talking about Jesus' return- how He's coming back for us, and the people we've had to say good-bye to on this earth will be there. And we'll have an eternity together with the Creator of and the Redeemer of our souls, "and thus we shall always be with the Lord." (I Thes. 5:17)

Yeah, that's pretty comforting. Like my soul just sighed with relief. 

I begin to identify just a little more clearly with Abraham, who "went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he dwelt in the land of promise as in a foreign country... for he waited for the city which has foundations, whose builder and Maker is God." (Hebrews 11:8-10) Like Abraham, I'm waiting for a city of promise. (Rev. 21)

Home. 

Maybe I'm not the only one who's homesick today. 

Maybe you can be homesick even if you've lived in the same place for your entire life. 

And maybe in this brief snatch of nap time quiet I can remind you of your home. Read it. Like for real read it- not like "I've read this a billion times for my devotions" read it; like "this is your home" read it. 

"And he showed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding from the throne of God and of the Lamb. In the middle of the street, and on either side of the river, was the tree of life, which bore twelve fruits, each tree yielding its fruit every month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. And there shall be no more curse, but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it, and His servants shall serve Him. They shall see His face and His name shall be on their foreheads. There shall be no night there; they need no lamp nor light of the sun, for the Lord God gives them light. And they shall reign forever and ever." 

(Revelation 22: 1-5.) (also Revelation 21 if you want to get gnarly.)

About a year ago Ricky and I bought our house. It was built from the ground up for us, we even got to pick the cul-de-sac and lot that it sits on- we poured over floor plans and colors, recessed lighting and where the light switches should go. We thought about countertops and flooring; ceiling fans and paint colors. We knew our home before we ever moved in. We loved driving by and taking pictures to post on facebook on Sunday afternoons; I joked about dreaming of our awesome new kitchen sink. 

I wish I thought about my heavenly home in the same way. 

To consider how God's plan from the very beginning of time is going to be my reality, "Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God." (Rev. 21:3) How the Lamb of God and the Lion of the tribe of Judah Himself will wipe away every tear; how we get to experience a home with no more death, sorrow, crying or pain- for eternity. 

That's my home. That's my King. When my soul and my heart have had their fill of grief and sorrow, when I don't know what to do but cry about injustice- I need to remember my home. And my King. 

Maybe I'm not the only homesick kid whose heart needs that stirring up to remember the One who we worship. The One in Isaiah 6 and Revelation 4 who's surrounded by seraphim crying to one another "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts; The whole earth is filled with His glory!" The first and the last, He who lives and was dead, and is alive forevermore- the One who has the keys of Hades and Death. Jesus. 

Maybe someone else out there has a heart that cries out with the psalmist in psalm 130:5-6:

"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,

And in His word do I hope. 

My soul waits for the LORD more than those who watch for the morning- 

yes more than those who watch in the morning." 

It's okay to be homesick. I think we're supposed to be. As long as we remember home. 

And now some random (but very cute) pictures that totally have no context for this post:  

the connection connection.

Way back when, when Ricky and I were but wee babes, we were blessed to be a part of something that was pretty special. I was in my first super awkward years of junior college, just sort of meandering through academia without any sort of purpose. Ricky was (heehee) still in high school and later Bible college, kind of being a rocker, slash Bible hippy guy. (Weird, I know. But how would you describe him in his onceid Bible college years?) 

And then some friends of ours sort of just birthed this idea for a totally homegrown Bible study, hangout, fellowship thing. Get this: without a pastor. Nary a youth pastor or college pastor in sight- we were just a bunch of kids who really loved Jesus and wanted to enjoy Him together. There weren't any titles, there wasn't one set teacher or worship leader. I'd say no one had any particular finesse because we were all just figuring it out. It was (if my memory serves me correctly) just a super organic and I'll even say experimental sort of thing. It was fun. 

The Connection. 

Right? You guys totally remember. 

I've been thinking a whole lot about the connection lately. What made it different and why it sticks out so much in my mind with some of the best memories and friends that a twenty-year old girl could have asked for. I had been to several churches, camps, youth groups and Bible studies, but I dunno- maybe the connection was special because it was ours. For some of us, at least I know for me, those were the early days of learning to hear from the Holy Spirit- like what He sounds like, how to hear Him, what it looks like when you respond. Sort of the basics in Christian living, when you want to make it your own- your life, living as a Christian for real. 

When Ricky and I got the vision for Hosanna and really started to roll up our sleeves and get into the work of praying for it, Jesus brought back a lot of that connection fun. Only now in a way that's seen eleven or twelve years go by. Eleven or twelve years of joy, loneliness and hardship; even devastation, rejoicing and discipleship. Life. 

I think that in the daily gettin' er done of life, we slowly allowed laziness to creep into our souls. We lost some of that early joy and passion in hearing from the LORD; in savoring His voice and His call. I'm not saying we stopped reading our Bibles or even had no vibrant times of prayer, but I will say that much our drive and enthusiasm to be dependent on Jesus and led by His Spirit diminished. Sort of a lot.  

As we began to cry out to God He did something radical. We were praying for revival in Denver and He brought it. To us. In Denver. He restored to us the joy of our salvation in a way that's brand new. 

Revival started in our home. It changed us. 

With Hosanna, we don't know what we're doing. We're not trying to impress anyone with our awesomeness. Do you know how freeing that is? We're watching Jesus take the gifts that He's given us and do stuff.  And it's like we're learning all over again how to hear His voice and obey it. 

It's so good. 

I was supposed to sit down and say a little something something about how our first Hosanna went and this is what I wrote. Sheesh, right? Our first Hosanna happened a couple weeks ago and it was... well, wow. Jesus dumped joy by the truckload on our house and it was awesome. I'm talking foot stomping, the neighbors could hear it, Holy Spirit was moving, awesome. Our prayer is that Jesus preserves that genuineness and passion as we keep it going and just tune into Jesus. We're so convinced that the Holy Spirit wants to pour His joy out on the churches here and it's crazy exciting to see that start to spread. Prayer, worship and joy- who doesn't want to get in on that?  

So there you go. That's the connection connection. 

to anyone that's ever prayed for us....

I don't really know where to start here, so I'll just jump right in and get rolling. 

For our year and half in Colorado, Ricky and I have been praying together and separately for some pretty specific things: 

a church

some peeps (i.e. community)

clarity and purpose in us being in Denver specifically

a good buddy who loves legos and Jesus for Chubs

and ultimately, revival in this city. 

We've gone through seasons of being courageous and pumped; more often than that, we've gone through seasons of uncertainty, doubt and loneliness. We've lived and held onto Psalm 37:23-24:

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD,  And He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For the LORD upholds him with His hand."  

I know that we have so many precious and seriously wonderful people in our lives who have been praying for us and with us. To me, that's just amazing. We're just trying to do life and I love that we get to share just doing life with you. Thank you. Like for real, thank you. 

So we're praising the LORD, and still praying that He would shed some light on our purpose out here. Last June in the midst of a really weird situation, Jesus gave me a vision. Now don't get weird and trip out on me here- this is legit, just roll with me. I was praying through some pretty gnarly stuff that was going on and I had this radical vision of revival in Denver. I don't know how in-depth I should go on about this, but I saw all sorts of different people throughout the city with a gorgeous river rushing over their heads. When the people raised their hands and started to worship the LORD, they had life and light all over their faces. And the LORD's message was clear: revival is ready to rush through this city. As we've prayed for clarity, the three biggies that we've heard are unity, prayer and worship. 

The picture in II Chronicles 20 is one that the LORD's given us multiple times as we've prayed for Denver. You know the story, it's where King Jehosaphat is faced with an impossible enemy- the Moabites, Edomites and Ammonites. So Jehosaphat starts seeking the LORD and calls the cities of Judah together to fast and cry out to the LORD together. (If you haven't read this story lately, you've got to. It's so good!) Jehosaphat prays this super awesome prayer, and the LORD responds with this super awesome answer:

"You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the LORD, who is with you O Judah and Jerusalem! Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them for the LORD is with you." (II Chron. 20:17)

Aw, yeah! You know what's coming, right? I love this part so much. Jehosaphat bows his head and starts worshipping the LORD. And then the Levites stand up and start praising the LORD "with voices loud and high." And all of Judah is super pumped, worshipping the LORD together. The army of Judah goes out to battle their impossible enemy with the worship team right up front singing and praising God. 

If you want to know how it ends, though, you've got to read it. 

HA! 

Okay, Judah wins. But really, read the story. 

All that to say, as we've prayed over this vision this is the picture that we keep getting. Even in dreams, The LORD is speaking to us.

So here's what we're doing about it:

Hosanna! save now.

We're starting a prayer and worship night, once a month- the name we've got for it is Hosanna. Our hope, prayer and goal is to get as many churches in on this without putting anyone's name on it. Denver is full of churches- we're not starting a church. But how radical and powerful would it be if we came together as Christians, with our sole purpose being to worship the LORD and to pray for our city together? We know that the LORD inhabits our praises, and that it's a beautiful and gnarly thing when we cry out to Him together. 

So.... if you want to keep praying for us, please pray for Hosanna! Call me a crazy optimist, but I think this is gonna be big. 

And if you've got graphic design-y skills and internet powers that you want to share, hit me up. :)